Those who believe they need ‘fixing’ - and if you ask around, many do - will be
caught in a continual loop of insecurity.
When we act as though we need to improve who we are, we reinforce the idea
that something is wrong with us, and therefore maintain a negative self-image.
It’s not that any of us need fixing - it’s that most of us need to let go of the idea
that something is wrong with us. In this way, there is no specific set of actions
we need to take to live an accepting life.
We are already whole.
It just requires us to truly see this.
Then we are free to get back to what we want to do with the full enjoyment
that springs out of being present.
‘People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.’
―Marcus Aurelius
The mind will continually throw up all kinds of thoughts, without us even
trying.
This is a given. Strong people know the inevitability of this, and do not allow
stressful thoughts to be engaged for long. They may arise, but they are not
tolerated. We see them merely like little flies buzzing around the head of a
bull.
They are there but they are inconsequential. They are not engaged. We turn
our attention to other things. This makes all the difference.
There is a close link between breath and the rate at which we cycle through
new thoughts. Anxiety reflects an overly active mind.
An active mind also feeds back into an experience of what feels like anxiety. It
is a loop.
As such, slowing down our breathing can be used to calm ourselves physically,
slow down our thoughts and reduce the sensation of anxiety.
Try it now.
Take 5 slow breathes in and out through the nose. See how your entire body
relaxes via the out breath. When our bodies relax, so do our minds become
still.
Mentally strong people know that the past is merely a concept.
It is not real.
People who suffer tend to buy into the idea that the past is a tangible and
significant component of their experience.
They allow thoughts of the past to determine their present behaviour. If they
were bullied at school, they will justify thoughts about those events to
determine a present personality that fears criticism, for example. This need not
be.
When we can let go of the past’s hold on us, we are free to enjoy the present.
Ideally daily, those who want to maintain a strong mind, understand the mind
and body connection.
When we treat ourselves well physically, our brains and minds benefit.
The mind - you could argue - IS the body in a sense. We are far more
vulnerable to unhealthy thinking patterns when we haven’t been in motion.
You know this whenever you spend a lot of time staying still, you will find
yourself feeling worse and worrying more. Life is motion.
We are trying to cheat life and joy when we go static for too long.
“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials.”
―Seneca
Little improved my life more than taking on the Stoic approach that a lesson is
found in every hardship.
Those who suffer have tuned out their capacity to see this. In interpreting the
challenging event as only a ‘difficulty,’ they close off the alternative view.
Every challenge can be seen in a fresh light that energises us, if we have the
patience and willingness to see it.
For example, I recently had a dream coaching client say no to my proposal to
work together. I was initially disappointed, but quickly found a way to feel
better about it.
I saw the experience as an opportunity to remain calm and therefore grow and
become stronger, but I also saw it as added incentive to hone my coaching
craft further and become a better coach. It is always a matter of perspective -
it is not situational.
Every problem is an opportunity to grow.
The gap is the space between a thought and a behaviour response.
Those who experience a lot of anxiety and stress or are quick to anger have
cultivated very little by way of this gap.
The mentally resilient have.
They know not to react angrily when a button is pushed, rather to allow time
to pass (gap) for the emotion to subside, before carrying on. Over time, their
relationship with their ‘gap’ becomes second nature, and not something that
requires much conscious effort, if any.
They simply live as the expression of their calm, resilient mind out of practice.
This is the power of habit.